Snow started falling once I stepped out of my apartment building. I knew why. I had, at that very moment, decided to be fully serious about the ailment that I have (Relationship OCD) and put my 100% towards recovery. "I'm there. I've finally made it," I declared as I walked the wet, snow-kissed sidewalks and embraced the chilling air as it was a sign that magic in fact can happen. The magic of nature and its brilliant coincidences that can so easily lend themselves to webs of destiny from the perspective of thinking beings. But here's the rub. We were made by the universe. Actually, we are part of it. So, if the universe, in a sense, created us with the ability to see meaning in our existence, then maybe there is a meaning: to make meaning. While deep in thought, the faces of people passing by seemed to suggest unusual inquisitiveness. The world was surreal. I didn't belong. Then it came clear to me. I had traveled to the past.
Because I let go of my inner demons, all of them, and exposed them in their underwear by laying them out for all to see and scold, I had just gained back the time I'd lost. 9 1/2 years I've struggled with OCD, particularly with romantic relationships but also familial and occasionally those of a plutonic nature, and though I know I will always have a hint of this condition, I believe by figuring out that all this anxiety and judgement has come from it, I have been granted an extended life. In that very sense, I've gone back in time. Because I will now live that much longer or maybe much, much more, having discovered the truth about myself. The truth is this: I judge the people and things I love. And with this OCD, the things that are most important to me are the things I obsesses about - the most. Stress can kill you. But I'm not gonna let it. It's snowing!
